walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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