I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
