there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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