My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
