so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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