I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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