I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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