i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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