He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
