Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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