The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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