Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
