I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
