Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
