Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
