Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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