Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
