Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
