I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize