3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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