don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
