just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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