I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
