Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
