i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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