Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
