is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
