My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
