If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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