May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
