No awkward lesbian experiences without me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
