1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
