so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
