i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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