im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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