I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
