I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
