How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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