I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
