I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
