wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
