the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
