..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
