I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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