Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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