i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
