His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize