Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
