he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
