isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
