Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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