my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
