I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
