No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
