I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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