Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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