I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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