I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
