So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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