I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
