i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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