I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
