She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
