i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My ass is underappreciated
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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