I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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