We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
