you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
