He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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