i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
