you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
