Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
