just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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