I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
