So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
