the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
