I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
