I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
