And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
