haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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