Buhtt sex?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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