Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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